The New Life

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

"When your sound is full of soul and progressive conciousness, you bring people home"

This is back.

I now have final confirmation. Jeremy will be taking over as the promoter/booking agent for French Press Jazz in lowertown St. Paul, and during a period of two months, during which I will almost certainly have no life whatsoever, her will be training me in to take over the job. Creative control is mostly there, as the owner's concept is fairly undeveloped. From the few pictures I've seen, its a gorgeous club, and I would enjoy spending day after day there, furthering the scene as much as possible. This will be an incredible opportunity for me, and despite the fact that I'll be Jeremy's whipping boy for two months, it will be a great job to mention when I'm looking for investors for my own club.

I feel like turning a corner, and I feel as though that corner is coming up sooner than I had expected. The car I'm traveling is bringing me there at 100mph and the brakes are out.

I'm in the car, foot firmly planted on the gas.....the car's running on rocket fuel consisting of Kara, a new club, and the most postitive outlook I've had in a long time.

Kara was frustrated the other day in the car, and old Jason, Jason from 3 years ago would've yelled right back at her in frustration, getting us nowhere, but I somehow managed to A) not be mad and B) laugh and make her laugh as I was trying to calm her down.

The fact that jazz doesn't reach a wider audience is beyond me. I realize that the business is dominated by those meaning to bring the same 'ole pop tunes to those who will grab it up with an intense eagerness....fine whatever....but at least try to educate your audience along the way. I'm a sucker for pop tunes as well. Simple hooks and melodies are great sometimes......sometimes. But you might as well give other artists a shots as well. Mainstream is so dominated by this simple-mindedness that I think it coud afford one hour a week to both classical and jazz. Late night, early morning, I don't care when, just as long as people can listen and see these people playing. That right there is enough to make people start to care about what they are feeding their ears on a daily basis.

I'm biased, but jazz is the most intricate, soulful, and hardest to play music ever performed, and when its played right, it blows the other categories away in its beauty. I can listen to the same jazz performance everyday for 3 years straight and still find something new everyday.....the same can't be said for most pop music.

Listen to jazz.....or I will bring a swift death upon thy head
post by The Mix at 11:38 PM 2 A flats

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

This is threatening to make me the happiest I've been in a very long time. What THIS is, I cannot talk about presently, because I'm trying to be as calm about it as possible, but its what I've wanted for what seems like eons now. And it might be within arms reach.

This is meant to be no offense to the girlfriend I currently, being that she's most of the reason I feel this.

She seems to be one of the few people close to me that actually take me seriously and consider me bright; one of the few people in my life that speak to me directly, not through lines that won't ever reach me unless there's a break in trust somewhere along the way.

I like having people around me that tell me exactly what I'm doing wrong, regardless of conflict.....conflict is great every now and again just as long as you remember not to take yourself too seriously...that way you can change and hopefully change those you are arguing with as well. The idea is to remain individuals, but work together as much as we can. Without honest, forthright communication, as far as I'm concerned, we're worthless. This is not directed at any one person, because in all honesty, its being perpetrated everywhere I go lately....less directness, more casual inferences to a friend of a friend, less vocal contact, more undistinguisable body language.

Off of that, that's the badness.

The good news is here in at least some form, which is far better than no form at all.

The day's sky was like something out of a Marquez novel, shining down on my smiling brow like a ship bearing the news that everything was going to be good today. And despite the large quantities of sugary, fat-laced blended drinks (dial-a-name for them in your favorite coffee shop), it was definately a good day.

Because for once in the past year and a half, I have a meriad of reasons to blush and smile widely, and no goddamn thing, beit human or not, is going to take that away from me tonight.

This
post by The Mix at 12:13 AM 0 A flats

Friday, May 20, 2005
two face
When boy meets girl there's only oe time there's no prior business to attend to, first love.

How does one live up to that kind of love, especially when it was beautiful and took a long time to get over?

Its been nearly 6 years since Katie broke-up with me, and I still feel as though I should live up to that, despite the fact that I know she's become very selfish and cruel in some nature.

Yet I don't want our relationship to be that way....

We fight, which Katie and I almost never did, which gives the relationship more passion, but most of the time it just seems like a double sided face.

One minute I feel as though she loves me for who I am, and what I want to be; the next minute she doubts me, looks over my shoulder, and pretends that I don't want her as much as she wants me.......which puts me more into doubt. Not because I actual DO doubt how I feel about her, but because she plants that seed in my brain.

She'll read this and get worried, even though she shouldn't because my heart fell off a cliff for her 3 months ago, but she keeps subconciously doubting me and us. It makes me want to run screaming, just to get away from the frustration it causes, but I haven't had anything this special for awhile.....I can't lose it.

Love is a bear of an emotion.....hard to describe pre, present, and post-relationship. How can I feel love if the one whom I love doesn't even believe that I'm in love WITH her.

I nearly went insane without seeing her for more than 3 days.

I know ebbs and flows exist in relationships, in love....people are together for years with much worse problems than this, and they are completely in love.

If imitation is that best form of flattery, then distrust is the worse.

I wanted to take her out this evening, but she was too tired (I could tell, she didn't say anything) to do what I really wanted to do.

She's two feet away as I write this, mad at me, waiting for me to say something stupid, again.....and all I want to do is give her everything, my cash, my car to replace hers, and my life so she wouldn't be so frustrated with family all the time.

For the first time in a long time I feel like crying out of pain's sake. Why?

Am I scared of love? Damn right I am.....we all should be, it drives us to insane places; but I'm not scared because I don't want to lose it again necessarily, more because I don't know how to keep it around without driving me to that insane place.
post by The Mix at 11:46 PM 2 A flats

Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Ode to Brian
I'm starting to realize and concsiously act upon my friend Brian's (see "other blogs" to your left) rational on our over connectivity.

It effects me every moment of everyday.

I find it incredibly hard lately to just be by myself, which is something that is beyond important to me. I love my girlfriend and I love my friends, but sometimes I just want to be me, and I put on airs around them all....not intentionally, but I do.

Fact is, I've become dependent upon it to the point where I don't feel like I have space and where I feel like I can't leave that world. I can't just turn my cell phone off, or not use e-mail for a couple of days because people will worry.

This is not to say that I don't like the advances that technology has brought us.....I love the fact that I can talk to my friends when I really need to, but the chances of that happening on a daily basis is slim to none, yet I still call them, to say nothing most of the time.

Being on this damn computer, talking on my horrid cell phone, and playing video games are taking away from reading, writing, playing.....general creativity....everything that makes me, me.

Its not that I dislike talking to or being around my friends, but sometimes I want to have space. Technology brings those who are thousands of miles away right to me, instantly.....its a good thing.....isn't it?

Sometimes I think not.

Nothing is wrong and everything is wrong.

My girlfriend is paranoid about me not loving her, or thinking something is wrong.....well she's right there, but not totally. There's nothing wrong with us, just with me, being weird about where I want to be in my life. It has everything and nothing to do with her. I want her in my life more than anything but I want MY life, which again, has everything and nothing to do with her. Everything because I want her there, nothing because it shouldn't effect her.

Now I'm getting paranoid because she is. Funny thing is I'm paranoid about her leaving me, just like she's paranoid about me leaving her.

My thoughts are escaping me now, it's time for sleep.

I love Kara though, at least that's clear

The Kara and I....prom party yo
post by The Mix at 1:45 AM 1 A flats

Tuesday, May 17, 2005
buzzkill
I'm at work and have a couple minutos.

These past eight days of crappy crap weather have been quite the scythe on my moral.

One can handle a couple days in a row of just general grey skies, but when you're waking up everyday for over a week to it, it wears on you.

That's not the only issue necessarilly. I love Kara, she knows this, and I know why she does what she does, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. She has a habit of assuming that just because I'm down, or because I haven't said anything about it, that I don't love her anymore.....which is complete nonesense.......

nevermind, my thoughts are too dense and hard to explain to be writing this here, I'll write later.
post by The Mix at 2:11 PM 2 A flats

Monday, May 02, 2005
Sketching a floor
I need somewhere to hang this sweater. Somewhere of note, of worth, of high calibar.

Hearing notes on two and four that pierce me like a camera lens through a person's soul, makes me wonder why I'm moving as slow as those whom I admire would like me to move. Regressive instead of progressive it feels, though they would make me believe otherwise. Into the arms of others who I deem less worthy of my servitude, and make no mistake, it is that. Why would they push me into a world into which I don't wish to go, when they know I can maximize my time taking deep breaths and listening with stunning intent to them?

This sweater needs to hang in a warm, yes warm in the winter, cool as a former landlord's soul in the summer; a warm place, full of soul, and music, and acceptance. Not of pretention, although it will be visited by it frequently; we're trying to turn people on, not off....drive people in, not away. With all of the power that resides in my body and the bodies of those who wish to further this cause which I take upon me as my Sisyphean endeavor to bring this town the music they so deservedly need to hear and love. If Ornette Coleman's music can fill Ted Mann Concert Hall three nights in a row, I....nay, we, can fill a jazz club 5 nights a week.

Ideas roll around in others' head's.....try promoting a regular series at another club.....try jazz a couple nights a week, with other music filling the rest of the schedule.

I love you all and the suggestions that you provide to me, but no.

The place where I RECEIVED the sweater died because of that kind of thought, although it was not the owner's thought by ANY stretch of the imagination, more the landlord's, I refuse to start another club under the same pretense. If clubs like the Artists' Quarter can stay around for this long surviving on jazz alone, so can my club in the sky. That's the one thing you will hear me say in high respect to the Artists' Quarter. That place has been around for so long and hosted so many musicians, it's a wonder how they've made it, but they have.....so it is possible. Not that I do not like the AQ, but the standard of jazz musicians playing good gigs in this town at clubs needs to be raised back to where it was when Brilliant Corners was around. I think BC gave the other clubs a sort of wake-up to start putting some effort into booking gigs, to start looking for talent again, instead of sitting on their laurels (sp?) and not recognizing up and coming talent, ignoring it's music's most sacred of talent showcases and developers, the jam session. These things make me think about how many young musicians wouldn't have kept playing jazz or kept playing at all for that matter, were it not for Brilliant Corners. And these are the people that make the scene. There aren't many new jazz musicians coming to Minnesota because its a hotbed of talent, so talent need to constantly be developed and nutured while it is here.

Last week I found out that a person whom used to come to and play at the club on a normal basis was leaving town for NYC, I was extatic to hear it. He's a wonderful musician and deserves to be out there. I was glad to hear he finally made the decision, because so many musicians that deserve to be out there have been trapping themselves here. So instead of furthering themselves, and the music along the way, they stay here....remaining great musicians, but leaving the scene stale and aching for change. Perhaps that's one of the reasons that so many jazz clubs keep popping up, but failing....because the scene aches for change, but gives it no leway.

In any case....I need somewhere to hang my sweater. A place where I can see good jazz on a nightly basis, have it go deep into the night, and watch great things unfold as consequence.
post by The Mix at 7:28 PM 3 A flats