The New Life

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Ode to Brian
I'm starting to realize and concsiously act upon my friend Brian's (see "other blogs" to your left) rational on our over connectivity.

It effects me every moment of everyday.

I find it incredibly hard lately to just be by myself, which is something that is beyond important to me. I love my girlfriend and I love my friends, but sometimes I just want to be me, and I put on airs around them all....not intentionally, but I do.

Fact is, I've become dependent upon it to the point where I don't feel like I have space and where I feel like I can't leave that world. I can't just turn my cell phone off, or not use e-mail for a couple of days because people will worry.

This is not to say that I don't like the advances that technology has brought us.....I love the fact that I can talk to my friends when I really need to, but the chances of that happening on a daily basis is slim to none, yet I still call them, to say nothing most of the time.

Being on this damn computer, talking on my horrid cell phone, and playing video games are taking away from reading, writing, playing.....general creativity....everything that makes me, me.

Its not that I dislike talking to or being around my friends, but sometimes I want to have space. Technology brings those who are thousands of miles away right to me, instantly.....its a good thing.....isn't it?

Sometimes I think not.

Nothing is wrong and everything is wrong.

My girlfriend is paranoid about me not loving her, or thinking something is wrong.....well she's right there, but not totally. There's nothing wrong with us, just with me, being weird about where I want to be in my life. It has everything and nothing to do with her. I want her in my life more than anything but I want MY life, which again, has everything and nothing to do with her. Everything because I want her there, nothing because it shouldn't effect her.

Now I'm getting paranoid because she is. Funny thing is I'm paranoid about her leaving me, just like she's paranoid about me leaving her.

My thoughts are escaping me now, it's time for sleep.

I love Kara though, at least that's clear




The Kara and I....prom party yo
post by The Mix at 1:45 AM 1 A flats

stuff about me
name: Jason Jungbluth
location: Minneapolis, MN
birthday: 6/7/1981
email: Check It

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