The New Life

Friday, May 20, 2005

two face
When boy meets girl there's only oe time there's no prior business to attend to, first love.

How does one live up to that kind of love, especially when it was beautiful and took a long time to get over?

Its been nearly 6 years since Katie broke-up with me, and I still feel as though I should live up to that, despite the fact that I know she's become very selfish and cruel in some nature.

Yet I don't want our relationship to be that way....

We fight, which Katie and I almost never did, which gives the relationship more passion, but most of the time it just seems like a double sided face.

One minute I feel as though she loves me for who I am, and what I want to be; the next minute she doubts me, looks over my shoulder, and pretends that I don't want her as much as she wants me.......which puts me more into doubt. Not because I actual DO doubt how I feel about her, but because she plants that seed in my brain.

She'll read this and get worried, even though she shouldn't because my heart fell off a cliff for her 3 months ago, but she keeps subconciously doubting me and us. It makes me want to run screaming, just to get away from the frustration it causes, but I haven't had anything this special for awhile.....I can't lose it.

Love is a bear of an emotion.....hard to describe pre, present, and post-relationship. How can I feel love if the one whom I love doesn't even believe that I'm in love WITH her.

I nearly went insane without seeing her for more than 3 days.

I know ebbs and flows exist in relationships, in love....people are together for years with much worse problems than this, and they are completely in love.

If imitation is that best form of flattery, then distrust is the worse.

I wanted to take her out this evening, but she was too tired (I could tell, she didn't say anything) to do what I really wanted to do.

She's two feet away as I write this, mad at me, waiting for me to say something stupid, again.....and all I want to do is give her everything, my cash, my car to replace hers, and my life so she wouldn't be so frustrated with family all the time.

For the first time in a long time I feel like crying out of pain's sake. Why?

Am I scared of love? Damn right I am.....we all should be, it drives us to insane places; but I'm not scared because I don't want to lose it again necessarily, more because I don't know how to keep it around without driving me to that insane place.
post by The Mix at 11:46 PM 2 A flats

stuff about me
name: Jason Jungbluth
location: Minneapolis, MN
birthday: 6/7/1981
email: Check It

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