The New Life

Friday, July 07, 2006

A compilation
The following are some posts I've made over the last 2 months as creativity was sparked....from myspace and elsewhere (in quasi-order):

why why why?
I just wanted to come home, get drunk, and be depressive.

But your face and kiss were havin none of that.

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Face remoreseful, mouth parched, lips dry, throat dead to the world, and nose sobbing it's greenish tears endlessly onto my scruff-filled upper lip...

I sit.

Twenty minutes after a lackluster third grade bully turned honored visionary of a friend leaves me goldless (of the johhny walker variety), and feeling horribly guilty for the events transpiring over the last 6 months; reminding me that for the next 6 months, this is all I'll think about........ ::insert cheasy heart-felt narrative here::

Twenty-Five minutes after a small lcd tiled message breezes through the air and places itself delicately in front of me, however, leaving me devastatingly alone for the latter half of the evening.

Forty-Five minutes after my last update from the world that seems to have the only real positive bearing on my life right now.

Three-Hundred minutes after a desperate reach for some sense of fellowship or raport across a few hundred miles, and many many stretches of unbearable traffic and rail line.

Three-Hundred and Sixty minutes after my last correspodence with the only person that holds any significant sway on my emotion presently.

And approximately Thirty Seven-Thousand Four-Hundred & Forty minutes after I felt any sense of togetherness.

And only another One-Hundred & Eighty minutes until all of this fades to black and I wake-up to another chance of living it all again.

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Perhaps one of the most poignant moments of my life (which is nearly 1/3 through btw) happened this evening. It's something that I may look back on as a sign of fate, a turn around perhaps.

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One city's rainstorm managed to nearly engulf my car in a blanket of water as intense and to the point as a Martin Luther King Jr. soliloquy.

The other city left my car and I looking toward the heavens in search for a drop of rain.

I scurried to my car from Erik's patio, ready for a good pour, and that's exactly what I got.

But something amazing happened on the drive home.

No, not the fact that I nearly crashed a good baker's dozen amount of times....

Halfway over the bridgethat seperates these two cities, the rain stopped....a dead stop. The line could be seen in my side-view mirror. It was literally a wall of water that had devoured the entirety of St. Paul.

And nary a cloud remained for my home of Minneapolis.

I was almost disspointed, expecting to run and gun from my car to my apartment....drenched to the bone.

But instead, I encountered only one very lonely raindrop that landed squarely on my forehead, as if to suggest that my life has passed by this tumultuous storm, and though strife surrounds me, I needn't be worried.

I'm still in shock by this incident's beauty.

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Words.

They're coming out now.
With more fury and conviction than any age I can recall.
Fortune brings me to a blithesome place.
However, negligence has befallen that dept. as of late.

Many hours spent lately carrying out futile tasks focused on futile objectives.

This is done.
It should never have been written.
My mind wanders more lately than, suprisingly enough, any age I can recall.
The words come and come.
They just materialize from so many dissimilar districts.

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It is no dream.
I expect to have those music soaked walls to be open to the public within 1500 days.
They way things have been going down lately one would assume that anything I say would warrant a trip to Bellevue, but in fact, in this case, it is just the opposite.
In this case I react in the opposite vein and become stronger than one would expect.

There remains a consumate focus here that, though dereailed for a time, is back in a powerful fashion.

Do not let these jumbled and horribly constructed words fool you.

It's there already....I just haven't constructed it yet.

Enjoy, Austin.
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This gin is seeping into my collective consciousness faster than the harsh green all-but-solvent that was thrust down my throat last sunset.

Gin? Why gin?

Perhaps I feel like depriving this one of the only alcohol that is an anathema to me....that she chooses to consume in the same vein that I imbibe scotch.

Why is it that these coctails of truth do not seem to throw their axe of veracity and impulsiveness on my head?

Dear Gin,

I choose to delight in you tonight, but only because I'm collapesed, distressed, and narcoleptic. Ya, ponder that amalgam for a tick.

Your mortal enemy,
Jason Jungbluth
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All the things I never did for you.

I never spent 3 hours per, making a mix cds for you, analyzing every song for intent, beauty, and worth.

I never spent days racking my brain, contemplating what to do for your birthday.

I never brought you to Colorado or knew exactly where to stay and made love to you (almost twice if you would've waited 2 weeks)

I never picked you flowers and watched them slowly wilt as I rushed to get them to you.

I never brought you to the drive-in and cradled you after you got lost.

I never brought you to a nice Italian restraunt, paid, and let you taste my wine.

I never let you use my apartment as your own space to relax and take a bath for hours, while I held my bladder back.

I never chose you over another woman.

I never made you cry tears of joy

I never made myself look like a jackass just to please you.

I never sang our song as loud as I could for you, while you looked out my sunroof into the beautiful sky.

I never cried tears of joy for you.

I never stayed awake for 30 extra minutes only to make sure you got to sleep well.

I never let you lay on my lap for as long as needed, despite the fact that I hadn't been able to feel my legs, and had had pins and needles for the last 25 minutes.

I never stroked your hair for an obscenely long time, just to watch the smile come onto your face as you slowly drifted off to sleep.

I never brought you to the cabin that is so sacred to my entire family and I.

I never put on headphones and killed my neck, if only to help you sleep.

I never switched my speech patterns in order to please you.

I never bought things at the store I thought were ridiculous in order to make you happy.

I never bought Gin for you.

I never left a note to lift you up now and again.

I never thought about only you when I was in a crowd of women.

I never lifted my spirits up, if only to lift yours up.

I never drove everywhere because I knew you hated your car.

I never went to your plays.

I never re-ordered my daily schedule just to see you.

I never watched movies with you I had absolutely no desire of seeing, confirmed my suspicions, and then laughed when I saw how happy you were with those crappy movies.

I never brought you to a fondue place, and spent $150 I definately did NOT have.

I never spent a night making fondue with you, calmed you down as you got mad at nearly everything, or made love to you afterward.

I never brought you to St. Cloud to see a band with a lead singer you still like, made you laugh obscenely, held your hair back, bought you cheese and crackers, or helped you move out...all after we broke-up

Wait a minute......

There's a lot of things I could've done better, but there's much more than that, that I did pretty damn good.

Sometimes it's about the small things....sometimes it's about the big things.....sometimes it's both. And a lot of the time, the person receiving these things doesn't even know they're receiving anything at all.....until it's already too late.

Too little....perhaps.

Too late.....perhaps.

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

I hope this is the last entry about you for awhile. You don't deserve my aggravation right now. And I don't mean that you don't deserve it because it bothers you....I mean that you don't deserve it because you don't deserve my emotion.
post by The Mix at 12:02 PM 0 A flats